Her daughter just gave her a "hall pass" to enter her room: "Mommy". "Age: 36". "One time". Mommy handed it right back and asked for an adjustment on the age. "34, my dear." Daughter went off and back to her room, giggling. Returns with "Mommy. Type: Woman. Age: 34."

A useful running gag that never loses its appeal to my family: When the kids lag behind, I yell "Catch up!" and they go "Mustard!" and run to me.

When I divorced my husband, he said: "You'll never find anyone like me again." I think he didn't realize that was the point.

Today, my parents wanted to do a twilight reenactment. My dad is Edward, my mom is Bella, and I am Renesmee. Today, I got to take a break so my parents did the meadow scene for fun.

I had a serious talk with my son Kevin about his grades at school. To defend himself, he argued: "But Dad, at least I'm the smartest of the dumb."

One day my dad and I were waiting in the car for my mom. Over by where we were waiting was an asian food store. My dad was like "wow... A lot of mexicans live over here." I then said, "Dad. those are asian people. How do you mistake asians as mexicans?" I started scracking up.

We were visiting my brother in the US (we're from Germany) and my 11-year-old son Christian had already learned some English in school. He was chatting proudly during dinner, and when it was finished, he announced: "Now I'm fed up." (Don't know if it's funny when you don't speak German.)

I was holding the dogs dish getting ready to set it down to feed her, but I was in the middle of talking! My younger cousin comes out to where I was standing on the patio and says "You're making the dogs nuts, hand it over". My youngest daughter, who's 7, just yells out "dog nuts". LOL

My dad just spilled his beer in the living room and now hes trying to make ramen with "the flavor of beef" in a bowl in the microwave. It's good to be home.

When the Sunday school teacher asked: "Who came to see baby Christ?", my daughter Felicia answered swiftly: "The three wise guys."