I was driving around with my 5-year-old daughter when I beeped the car horn by mistake. She looked at me surprised, as there were no other cars around. So I said, "Sorry, I did it by accident." - "Yes I know daddy", she said. - "How come?" - "Because you didn't say 'jerk' afterwards."

Okay, so you know that game Robot Unicorn attack? Well, the song Always by Erasure happens to be my mothers favorite song. OF ALL TIME. So I was talking to my brother at dinner, and I was humming, suddenly, my mother goes "Always" then my brother and I start singing loudy along.

After coming home from a funeral, our grandpa said he really liked how many nice things were being said at funerals and he was very sorry that he would miss his own by a couple of days.

My son had his annual check-up, he was 8. We get back into the car and he asks to use my cell phone. I ask who he needs to call, he tells me 9-1-1. I ask why? He said, "the doctor touched my privates".

My husband had shaved his beard after 20 years. Excited, he showed it to our 4-year-old daughter Samantha: "Notice anything?" - "No," she said. - "But my beard is gone!" - "I didn't take it!"

When the Sunday school teacher asked: "Who came to see baby Christ?", my daughter Felicia answered swiftly: "The three wise guys."

My father was trying to explain the concept of marriage to my little brother. He showed her photos from the wedding day etc. "Do you get it now?", he asked. "Yes daddy, that was the day when Mommy came to work for us." I laughed so hard I fell from the chair.

I had a serious talk with my son Kevin about his grades at school. To defend himself, he argued: "But Dad, at least I'm the smartest of the dumb."

3-year-old Jack, watching me breastfeed his little sister: "Mom, is one for hot and one for cold milk?"

I'm a doctor. Naturally, I was happy when I saw my 4-year-old daughter play with my stethoscope. "She wants to follow in my footsteps", I thought. But then she spoke into the instrument: "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"